I remember staying up all night on Christmas Eve and sneaking down stairs to hide under the kitchen table to see when you arrived. Unfortunately I fell asleep and woke up under the table surrounded by presents. You are really something special.
Now that I am all grown up and can no longer fit under the kitchen table the sparkle of Christmas has dimmed a little. But as I approach my dotage I am now blessed with grandchildren who have rekindled that sparkle once again. So I am sitting here wondering exactly where it all went wrong.
My glasses keep slipping off my nose. My belly keeps sliding over my belt. My hair is now finally turning grey. (But not too much yet please!!!) So what can I ask you for this Christmas?
Well with apologies to whoever wrote the original I present my twelve requested gifts of Christmas.
1. One the first day of Christmas I’d like Santa to give me some relief from all the shops that have been covered in Christmas glitter since September.
2. One the second day of Christmas I would like to hear a really good new Christmas song, not just Slade and Wizard. (Who I know we all really like but PLEASE…)
3. On the third day of Christmas I’d like to not see adverts for food hampers for Christmas 2009.
4. On the fourth day of Christmas I’d like the toy manufacturers to make sure that they do actually supply enough of this Christmas’ most wanted ‘thingummy jig’.
5. On the fifth day of Christmas Santa can you please make sure that we get plenty of batteries with everything…..
6. On the sixth day of Christmas can you please tell Aunty Ethel that I have plenty of socks and handkerchiefs.
7. On the seventh day of Christmas can you make sure that only a few people buy me Chocolate for Christmas as I don’t want to have to buy bigger trousers. (But still a few please…)
8. On the eighth day of Christmas can you please Santa remind everyone about the latest drink drive campaign. No more deaths this year please.
9. On the ninth day of Christmas can you please Santa explain carefully the meaning of the term ‘No thank you.’ and make sure the mother in law understands it too.
10. On the tenth day of Christmas can you please Santa remind us about our friends and neighbours who may find themselves alone this year.
11. On the eleventh day of Christmas can you please remind our dog that the postman is a friend and not ‘Starters’.
12. On the twelfth day of Christmas Santa can you please get us to think very carefully about our New Year Resolutions and make sure we don’t make the same mess up as we did this year.
So Santa can I please take this opportunity to wish you all the best for this coming season, and I look forward to seeing you this Christmas if only I can stay awake long enough.